The Roles We Play in the Ecosystem of Change

By Camille Dickerson-Lemieux, Compassionate Listening Project Facilitator and Executive Director

I came across a writer named AJ Hawkins who wrote a piece about the seven roles we can play to serve the well-being of our communities and the world that surrounds us in times of change and upheaval: The Offender, Defender, Tender, Mender, Pretender, Connector, and Upender. She draws inspiration from the necrobiome ecosystem that forms around death. I highly recommend you read her original work here, and I wanted to outline how Compassionate Listening can be tied to each of these roles:

 The Offender bravely takes action and is prepared to step forward into conflict to do what they believe is right.

Compassionate Listening invites us to ask: How do we speak from the heart in a way that we can be truly heard? When we show up with our whole selves in the service of justice, how do we ensure our message isn’t misinterpreted? In this era of social media, with both abundant information and frequent distortion, our message can be easily warped. Listening to ourselves becomes essential. When we have moments to make a difference, listening helps us stay rooted in the values that lead to a kinder world.

The Defender uses their knowledge, skills, and bodies to prevent and reduce harm and destruction.

As Defenders, building our ability to de-escalate violence and rehumanize one another is vital. Compassionate Listening teaches us how to manage our triggers and step out of reactivity, and respond to what is needed. As things continue to change, learning to use these techniques in relationship with others can make a massive impact in reducing harm.

The Tender is attuned to the needs of the individual and the collective, supporting those needs for long-term well-being and sustainability.

Tending to physical needs is essential, but tending to our emotional needs is just as important. Compassionate Listening orients us to the two core practices of respecting self and others and cultivating compassion. Slowing down and listening so that we can process the quick changes that are happening all around us prevents burnout. We devote ourselves to nourishment and rest, paired with tending to our hearts and humanity, so we can tackle the work of peace and become resilient and better able to sustain our efforts.

The Mender brings conflict resolution and mediation skills to the conversation to support solutions and compromise.

This connection is perhaps the most obvious. Compassionate Listening gives us concrete tools to transform conflict. We learn how to speak from the heart, offer empathy, and ask deepening questions to de-escalate, rather than inflame. We also offer tools to self-regulate and build compassion around strong emotions. As Carol Hwoshinsky writes in her book Listening with the Heart, "When all parties recognize their own suffering and can acknowledge the suffering they have inflicted, the process of true reconciliation proceeds."

The Pretender is someone who can move through society without drawing attention. They oversee what remains hidden and what is yet to be revealed.

Compassionate Listening teaches us to engage with anyone, even someone we strongly disagree with.  We develop our fair witness as an ongoing process of self-exploration, as well as the ability to hold both complexity and ambiguity. When we can't change our surroundings or the people we work with, listening helps us seek who they are, what they value, and the experiences that motivate their perspectives.

The Connector is someone who creates networks between people and places that facilitate the transfer of support to build resilient and interdependent communities.

When we get really good at listening, we learn about what people need. Often, with enough encounters, patterns begin to emerge, and we begin to see places where people with skills and people with needs can help each other. Listening well also supports the process of creating solutions that could not have been considered without making space for them by listening, allowing possibilities to surface that were previously invisible.

The Upender creates work that offers hope and teaches the wisdom needed to invite us into new realms of possibility for the way things could be.

Despite its seeming simplicity, Compassionate listening is transformative. When we listen to our hearts and the hearts of others, it becomes irresistible to care and help. As Desmond Tutu once said,

"Compassion is not just feeling with someone, but seeking to change the situation. Frequently, people think compassion and love are merely sentimental. No! They are very demanding. If you are going to be compassionate, be prepared for action".

It is a gift to stay connected to our hearts and our inspiration. Our hearts often show us the path forward, and Upenders use writing and art to inspire us and to remind us how to listen.

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Each of us has a role to play. We can orient ourselves to our strengths and work as a team to build a world that works well for everyone. Which role do you identify with the most?

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Camille Dickerson-Lemieux is a non-profit director, peacebuilder, and artist whose life and work are shaped by a commitment to cultivating cultures of peace.

Camille studied at a liberal arts university in Ohio, explored Buddhism while living in India, and later completed an 18-month residency at a Zen monastery in Oregon. These experiences grew her interest in contemplative practice and listening as a pathway to healing. She went on to earn a Master’s degree in Reconciliation and Peacebuilding from the University of Winchester.

She is currently the Executive Director of the Compassionate Listening Project. In her role, Camille leads workshops, supports and mentors facilitators, guides a small team, and creates original writing and visual art for the organization’s blog, newsletter, and social media platforms. She also facilitates free bi-monthly Compassion Circles and works to broaden and strengthen the organization’s global network.

Outside of her professional work, Camille runs a small YouTube channel where she shares reflections on her creative art practices. She finds grounding and inspiration in tending her vegetable garden and spending time with her husband and their two cats.