By Camille Dickerson-Lemieux, Co-Director & Compassionate Listening Facilitator
Peace is such an overused word that we’ve lost all sense of its meaning. But after attending the Braver Angels conference in Kenosha over a month ago, a gathering uniting red and blue Americans in a working alliance to depolarize America, the word took on a new life for me. I came back so fired up about America and where we’re headed as a country. At first, I couldn’t stop talking about it. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was so passionate about the connections I made with people, and I just wanted to build as many of those bonds as possible, as strongly as possible, so I wouldn’t lose sight of all I had learned from the experience.
But as time passed and some friendships began to fade, it became easy to forget what had happened. This morning, though, I went to a local Braver Angels meeting, and it reminded me of a purpose that’s been slowly rising within me—a purpose centered on creating a culture of peace. For me, the core of that work is humanizing “the other.”
Before I went to the conference, I was worried about being seen as a liberal in conservative spaces. I even borrowed my mother’s clothing to 'fit in' better, because I was afraid. I was afraid of being perceived as a liberal, which I thought meant people would shut me out of their conversations or compartmentalize me into who they thought I was. I was afraid, even for my safety—which, in retrospect, feels foolish. But until I had the opportunity to meet these conservatives in person, all I knew was what I’d learned from the media, which made me feel like I needed to protect myself with how I presented myself to the world.
But what I was surprised to find was warmth, openness, and curiosity. And I felt that curiosity within myself, too. I confessed to a Republican my age that I had been worried for my safety, and he was shocked that I’d feel so nervous about encountering people on the other side. But from my experience and the world I’m immersed in, it didn’t feel so shocking.
The thing about listening is that it’s not about trying to change your own mind or someone else’s—it’s about adding nuance to your understanding of the other person. Someone might be a Republican, but that’s actually just one tiny facet of who they are, and even being a Republican is made up of so many pieces that each person only carries a few of. It may feel obvious that people are nuanced, but somehow it’s easy to forget. It’s easy to suddenly become fearful of the world around you when it feels like there’s a threat.
Since leaving the Braver Angels conference, I’ve been surprised by how much safer I feel in the world. I didn’t expect that. Immediately after the conference, I went to a little vacation town outside Kenosha, and I caught myself wondering, “Is this town Republican or Democrat?” The question that used to loom large in my mind—“Is this a place where I, as a liberal, belong?”—was still there, but something had shifted. When I considered whether it was a Republican town, I noticed I didn’t shrink away as I usually did. I wasn’t afraid to make eye contact with strangers. I hadn’t realized that I’d been avoiding eye contact with people I perceived as Republicans, but when I found myself not doing that, I realized I had been for years.
While at the conference, I made a friend from New York who was a Republican. The first thing he asked me was what would prevent me from being best friends with a Republican. Before the conference I probably would’ve been able to rattle off a slew of answers. But face-to-face, with someone who had funky glasses like mine, loved music, was generally the same age, and was impacted by a similar social landscape, it was hard to come up with an answer. It felt like if I gave reasons why I would immediately reject friendship with a Republican, I’d be harming a real person who is much more complicated and surprising than the cliff notes version of his party. I later found out that he values community and is passionate about resolving the loneliness and alienation we face in this country. Those things are deeply important to me, too. They are a profound reason why I am who I am today. We have wildly different perspectives on how to resolve these issues but we have both been impacted and are seeking a solution.
Unfortunately, because it's hard to maintain friendships over great distances, it doesn’t look like we’ll end up being best friends. But I’m so grateful that, for a moment, we were able to encounter each other as both nuanced individuals and as people representing our political parties. We didn’t shy away from the discomfort of being different.
It made me realize that being uncomfortable can wake you up, bring you to life. Peace can be a pathway where we get to learn more about this wild paradoxical world we all live in together. Listening to others in these contexts can feel like such a radical thing in the moment. Listening may seem so simple, but it’s so much easier to stay comfortable and believe that strangers are worth fearing. Of course, I think it’s important to develop the skills to listen in a way that’s meaningful and doesn’t fuel polarization, anger, or lead to violence. That’s where Compassionate Listening fits in. It teaches us to listen for the root of what people are saying. We share so many of our beliefs, and we bring forth so much information, but if we listen for why people bring forward that information and get curious about what the value underneath it is, we can get to a place of mutual humanity and understanding.
That’s why Compassionate Listening is so radical. We understand that not everyone has learned how to listen or speak from the heart skillfully. In my family of origin, conversations would often end as soon as a conflict took place, and we’d be forced to forget what happened. I never got to learn how to use it as a tool to grow and evolve. Compassionate Listening, on the other hand can guide people to that beautiful, transformative oasis on the other side of conflict and misunderstanding. I relied on it deeply at the conference in Kenosha, and it's helped me build the resilience to encounter people wildly different from me.
As I continue this journey, I’m committed to embracing discomfort, listening deeply, and humanizing those I might have once seen as “the other.” Creating a culture of peace is a journey, not a destination, and I’m grateful to be on this path.
Camille Dickerson-Lemieux is the Compassionate Listening Project's very own Co-Director! She completed her MA in Reconciliation (University of Winchester, 2022) and has sought transformative journeys spanning zen monasteries to jungle eco 'towns,' which fostered a deep understanding of the impact of conflict in community. As a dedicated non-profit team member, Camille collaborates with Compassionate Listening Facilitators to amplify their noble mission. With a steadfast belief in the significance of every voice, even amid communication hurdles, she channels her passion into both her nonprofit work and her artful Youtube creations. Outside the realm of her work, Camille loves spending time with her new husband and her two cats.
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