By Susan Partnow, Compassionate Listening Senior Facilitator
The following is adapted from a talk Susan gave to Act of Giving on September 11th, 2024
Deep Gratitude to Act of Giving for Their Generosity
We at The Compassionate Listening Project (TCLP) are deeply thankful to Act of Giving for selecting us as one of the recipients of this year's Bridge Builders cycle of giving. Your generosity, which supports scholarships and mentorship, has expanded our capacity to reach new communities and bring compassionate listening to a more diverse and international audience. Special thanks to Eileen Putter for introducing TCLP to Act of Giving and for her dedication to global generosity through her own remarkable project, Generations for Global Giving, supporting elder Andean women at Los Martincitos in Peru.
The Journey of TCLP
I’ve been with TCLP since its earliest roots, when it was known as the Middle East Citizen Diplomacy Project, inspired by Danaan Parry, founder of Earthstewards. Back in the 80s, he brought Leah Green on his first citizen diplomacy trip to the Middle East and told her, “Leah, this is your project!” She jumped all in and has led dozens of delegations to Israel/Palestine in the years since. I joined her on one of the earliest trips. We came to realize—though our intentions to help heal the Israeli/Palestinian divide by listening to all sides were noble—we didn’t know how to listen deeply. Leah was fortunate to meet Gene Knudsen Hoffman, a Quaker who had studied with Thich Nhat Hanh and coined the term "compassionate listening." Gene took Leah under her wing, as did another wise mentor, transpersonal therapist Carol Hwoshinsky.
As we evolved the practices and model for compassionate listening, we came to understand that our primary mission was to nurture deep listening to heal our world from the inside out. While delegations to Israel/Palestine, German/Jewish reconciliation, Alabama, Guatemala, and soon to the Lakota people were our projects, we became The Compassionate Listening Project (TCLP).
Since the pandemic, we have moved our trainings to Zoom and are thrilled to bring people from around the world into our circle. And now, with deep gratitude to Act of Giving, whose generosity has helped fund scholarships for mentorship, our capacity to grow and diversify has accelerated exponentially. We now have facilitators in Nigeria, Uganda, India, Malaysia, Peru, Brazil, and from coast to coast across Canada and the U.S., including young people, people of color, and partner organizations helping youth transition from detention centers. And there is so much more.
You may wonder: What is Compassionate Listening?
I think the best way to understand Compassionate Listening is to share our core practices with personal stories of how they have impacted my life. We have learned that vulnerability and transparency are essential to transforming ourselves, and thus our world, facilitating relationship healing and peacebuilding from the inside out.
Cultivate Compassion
The first of our five core practices, Cultivate Compassion, is my lodestar. Gratitude, awe, and appreciation keep me going as I face the struggles of caring for my increasingly frail and disabled husband and, most challengingly, supporting my daughter and her husband, who was disabled by a massive stroke just before their first anniversary. We cultivate compassion through gratitude, beginning with the self. Let’s take a moment to give some to ourselves right now. I invite you to take a moment now to thank your body—your breath, your hands, your heart. Thank you, breath of life! Thank you, hands! Thank you, precious, steady heart! These small acts of gratitude create ripples of loving-kindness that can sustain us through the hardest times.
Develop the Fair Witness
Our second practice is Develop the Fair Witness by bringing mindfulness to our self-talk and whatever triggers us. This has helped me discover that when I get so angry at my husband and what I experience as stubbornness—when he refuses to seek more physical therapy—I can recognize that, actually, I am scared and sad. What’s underneath is my value for maximizing any means to thrive, while he values autonomy, ease, and control in his increasingly limited life. This witnessing helps open and soften my heart and helps me slow down to the “speed of wisdom” before I react.
Respect Self and Others
In our third core practice, Respect Self and Others, we aspire to stay out of the drama triangle and live from the circle of empowerment—seeing ourselves and others as whole and complete. For me, this helps me learn to be a caring Challenger, not a Perpetrator, when my social justice sensitivities tap into my righteous rage. It also keeps me from falling into the Victim place when facing all my troubles, by stepping into the role of Creator: What can I do? What are my choices?
Listen with the Heart
Now we come to the fourth practice, Listen with the Heart. I am continually awed by the profound shift that is possible when I remember to move from my head to my heart and allow it to soften, to truly see the beautiful soul I am listening to—no matter whether I like what they are saying or not. When I listen with curiosity and listen beneath the story to the values, I can see that despite our differing solutions and strategies, we may both just want safety and happiness for our communities and loved ones. Recently, on our family WhatsApp, I found myself engaging in an increasingly heated debate by criticizing Israeli policies with my grandnephew, who is on active duty in Israel. Then I remembered to slow it down and reflected to him, “I really hear how you care so deeply for your country and how much the army has become a loving community for you.” He was able to soften and reply with, “Yes, and I am sad that my fellow soldiers don’t always act respectfully.”
Speak from the Heart
Finally, we come to Speak from the Heart, the greatest challenge, building on all these practices. When I remember to speak from my heart with an intention to connect, not to persuade or convert, and when I discern what needs to be said—what will be helpful and kind—and speak powerfully from a disarmed, heartfelt place, without judgment or blame, I begin to fulfill my yearning for bringing peace to the world. I hope I’ve done some of that with my message here.
I work at integrating these practices into my life most every day, and I am frequently startled to think, “Ahh! I think I’m starting to get it!” It’s a lifelong journey. I see how I have been transformed over the past 25 years, and now I am so grateful that I get to mentor others in becoming facilitators. As they say, we teach what we must learn.
And so, I am deeply grateful to you, the amazing women of Act of Giving, for your support. With the dedication and generosity you’ve committed to over these many years, it is a joy and a privilege to be selected as one of your recipients. Thank you!
Susan Partnow, M.A., has catalyzed social transformation for 30+ years from Africa to Guatemala, Cuba to Japan and India. Co-founder of Conversation Cafes, Let’s Talk America, Global Citizen Journey and Seattle Restorative Justice, Susan especially enjoys transforming conflict using Restorative Circles, Open Space, World Café and Appreciative Inquiry. She is a mediator, facilitator, and coach. Author of Everyday Speaking for All Occasions and co-contributor to Practicing the Art of Compassionate Listening. Passionately committed to intercultural understanding, peacemaking and community building, Susan deeply believes we can and must 'listen our way to wholeness' to find our essential humanity through connection, wise co-creation, and dialogue. She joyfully serves on the Board of Awareness, Courage and Love, dedicated to combating loneliness and building meaningful relationships. Susan has been an essential part of Compassionate Listening from its earliest days, one of the very first trainers, co-creator of the core practices and the advanced training. Visit her website here.
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